Mental Preparation…Divorce Mediation

Mental Preparation…Essential Principles

There are some essential principles of mediation that you should understand so you have the proper expectations and understanding of the process:

mental preparation

  • Mediation isn’t about reconciliation. Both parties should be ready or at least resigned to proceed with divorce. Mediation is a voluntary process that can end at any time at the discretion of either party or the mediator. Mediation is confidential (with some exceptions).
  • Mediation depends on both parties’ commitment to disclose fully all necessary information and negotiate in good faith.
  • The mediator doesn’t represent either party individually; he is an advocate for the process.
  • The mediator doesn’t make decisions for you.
  • Mediation achieves an effective resolution because it is based on the principle of fairness.
  • Even if the mediator is also a lawyer or therapist, he does not behave or perform as one when conducting a mediation.

Mental Preparation…Attitudes and Behaviors

There are also productive attitudes and behaviors that are key to a successful mediation:

  • Focus on the future, not the past.
  • Put anger and blame aside (at least for the duration of each session) to focus on problem-solving.
  • Stay problem-focused and avoid personal attacks.
  • Speak and listen to each other carefully and respectfully, without interruption or accusation.
  • Have an open mind, thinking about all the possible options in terms of their benefits and drawbacks for all parties. Be gracious when winning and when conceding.
  • Take time to think things over when you need to.
  • If a session becomes too difficult, consider ending it early.
  • Have patience.

Mental Preparation…The benefits of divorce mediation are powerful and clear:

  • Mediation saves you considerable time and money.
  • Mediation makes you more committed to the agreement since it is you who works through it instead of your attorneys.
  • Mediation gives you a sense of control over the process and allows you to maintain your dignity.
  • You—not a judge—determine what is fair distribution of assets/liabilities, spousal support, custody, parenting time, and child support.
  • Mediation helps you learn to talk to each other, enhancing communication for a more cooperative future relationship.
  • By applying the principle of fairness, mediation maximizes the benefits for everyone and proportionally distributes the sacrifices.

Call 201-847-0814 to schedule your divorce mediation FREE introductory consultation in one of my offices in Wyckoff, Totowa, Verona or Hackensack, New Jersey.