Essential Principles

There are some essential principles of mediation that you should understand so you have the proper expectations and understanding of the process:

• Mediation isn’t about reconciliation. Both parties should be ready or at least resigned to proceed with divorce.
• Mediation is a voluntary process that can end at any time at the discretion of either party or the mediator.
• Mediation is confidential (with some exceptions).
• Mediation depends on both parties’ commitment to disclose fully all necessary information and negotiate in good faith.
• The mediator doesn’t represent either party individually; he is an advocate for the process.
• The mediator doesn’t make decisions for you.
• Mediation achieves an effective resolution because it is based on the principle of fairness.
• Even if the mediator is also a lawyer or therapist, he does not behave or perform as one when conducting a mediation.

Attitudes and Behaviors

There are also productive attitudes and behaviors that are key to a successful mediation:

• Focus on the future, not the past.
• Put anger and blame aside (at least for the duration of each session) to focus on problem-solving.
• Stay problem-focused and avoid personal attacks.
• Speak and listen to each other carefully and respectfully, without interruption or accusation.
• Have an open mind, thinking about all the possible options in terms of their benefits and drawbacks for all parties.
• Be gracious when winning and when conceding.
• Take time to think things over when you need to.
• If a session becomes too difficult, consider ending it early.
• Have patience.

Call 201-847-0814 to schedule your divorce mediation FREE introductory consultation in one of my offices in Wyckoff, Totowa, Verona or Hackensack, New Jersey.